The Zeitgeist Conspiracy

Zeitgeist the Movie–– coming to a computer near you. It’s a 2-hour YouTube extravaganza all about how 9/11 is a shadowy government conspiracy. And how Christianity is nothing more than a rehashing of Egyptian astrology. And how Jesus is simply a retread of the Sun god Horus. The net-net of “movie” is that the Man (be he the Roman Emperor Constantine, the Illuminati, or the Federal Reserve) is ingeniously conspiring to keep us down. Among his methods are myth-based religions, human suffering and a group of clever Masons. When does Lara Croft come in and save the world? But I digress. Which is why I love the Internet. The crazies get equal time. I can blog that Muhammad was really a sock puppet and upload a video warning that implanted microchips are the apocalyptic mark of the Beast. And the crazies beget more crazies. And those crazies get followers. And those followers beget more fear and suspicion. Why, it almost sounds like a …what’s the word?…Conspiracy. Freaky!

Joe, say it ain’t so

Not since the days of Shoeless Joe Jackson has baseball looked this bad. With the publishing of today’s long-awaited Mitchell Report it appears that the All Stars of America’s favorite pastime are up to their dugouts in illegal, performance-enhancing substances. These All-American sluggers have been knocking it out of the park thanks to a little help from steroids. And all of us upstanding, solid citizens are shocked. What did we think? That the batting averages were up because of good, clean living? Yup. Athletes, like rock stars, are improving their game by doing what is clearly illegal. And ticket prices to both ball games and rock concerts just keep going up. And we upright, solid citizens queue up and pay the price of admission. We follow the game, play the music and rent the DVD. At the end of the day, we are the beneficiaries of these performance-enhancing drugs and thereby complicit in these illegal actions. We self-righteous, solid citizen, tsk-tskers with all of our season’s tickets and tailgate parties. We are the ones who reward this behavior that’s now as American as baseball and apple pie. Oh no, say it ain’t so.