Hillary has Ohio. Hillary has Texas. And Hillary has this man to thank: Rush Limbaugh. After all, her narrow victories in these two major states came in part from Rush encouraging his Republican Ditto-heads to cross over in these primaries and vote for Ms. Clinton. And he is doing it again in Pennsylvania. So for once, the vast, right-wing conspiracy is helping the Clintons. Ironic, huh?
It was a day they longed for. When a man would be judged by the content of his character, rather than the color of his skin. A time when Dr King’s dream would ring out loud and clear. And race would no longer be seen as a not an insurmountable divider of people. A day when a truly courageous Commander-in-chief would steer clear of unnecessary wars. And when the jagged sword of political dirty scheming would be beaten into the ploughshare of hope and honest debate. Back then, Bill and Hillary Clinton dreamed of time when political prophets would face ballets instead of bullets. And the electorate would have the faith to dream just as big. The moral of the story? Be careful what you dream about. You might just get it.
Is nothing sacred? Is nothing outside the reach of Hollywood’s smarmy glitz brigade? Does someone really think the best way to advance a thoughtful, serious, transformational campaign is with a star-studded, warmed-over Rock-the-Vote music video? Seriously? To call in the help of last week’s People Magazine rehab poster children. They’ll give this Kid Obama credibility. Really? An authentic, tough-minded and inspiring candidate emerges on the scene and we immediately think: Get me David Geffen. And that Black Eyed Pea dude–– with a name out of a Dr. Seuss book. And find out if Scarlet Johansen can sing (she clearly can’t act). See if we can get Dylan. No. Dylan’s kid. We’re going for the youth vote. The youth angle. Hope. Change. That’s youth-oriented, right? The kids will eat this stuff up. We’ll package this Obama kid like…you know…the next big thing. We’ll make Hope hip. Hope is hip. I like it! It is all so Wag the Dog.
Okay, we’ve been playing nice up to now. A lot of pretty talk about “change” and “hope” and “the future.” But this is Super Tuesday and it’s time we cut to the chase. You vote for Obama or you sleep with the fishes. Still thinking about pulling that lever for Hillary Clinton? A word of advice: Fogedaboudit. Mr. De Niro has made his choice. So if you aren’t voting for Obama, remember, you’ll look kinda funny trying to work those touch screens with two broken arms. Capiche?
Considering Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has been busy pushing a state healthcare proposal that is pretty much a carbon copy of the reforms Mitt Romney instituted in Massachusetts… Considering that the good old “Terminator” is vocally pro-abortion, a position identical to the one Mitt Romney faithfully held before his recent run for president… Considering they both are kinda hunky guys that entered politics after making their millions in the action-packed private sector… I was a little surprised to see Arnold backing John McCain and not good ol’ Mitt. But, then again, there are some shared points of view between the former POW and the former Barbarian. McCain’s immigration position is much closer to Gov. Schwarzeneggar than the typical Republican’s tough-talking, “round them up and send them back” attitude. And both the Mackster and Schwazzie speak the language of “global warming” like a couple of Al Gore wannabes, instead of the odd, non-committal “climate change” language that most of the GOP uses. You know, sort of like water-boarding not being actual torture, more like a water sport, I suppose. And of course, McCain is against torture (including waterboarding, if waterboarding is actually torture, which it may well be, but he’s not saying that it is.) And here, I’m pretty sure Arnold concurs. But most of all, they have both honorably and bravely served their country ––one in Vietnam, the other in the movie Predator. Which is pretty much what this endorsement signifies: more theater in the greatest show on earth. American politics.
After 7 years of a mangled foreign policy that plays like a bad Michael Bay movie––an action-packed extravaganza full of mustachioed villains, exploding Humvees and Clint Eastwood catch phrases: “Wanted dead or alive;” “Bring it on;” “Mission accomplished”––it is little wonder that the emerging GOP front runner is a decorated Vietnam war hero. Or that his wartime heroics consisted chiefly of doing hard time in a Viet Cong POW camp. He’s also a bit of a hot head. Which you’ve gotta love. Our very own Rambo. Maybe that’s why Senator McCain is Sylvester Stallone’s pick for Commander-in-chief. Maybe, that’s why TV action hero Chuck Norris is Huckabee’s Hollywood sidekick. Or why, actor Fred Thompson treated his run for the oval office like it was just another casting call. Look tough. Talk tough. Be tough. Cue the explosives. Bring up the music. Fade to black.
A candidate’s spouse has always played a significant role in presidential politics. They are expected to smile, look devoted, exchange adoring glances and hold hands in public. That was then, this is now. Bill Clinton has hardly played the shrinking violet. He has been an attack dog, a crowd-pleaser and, more importantly, the most formidable potential First La…Husband? in American history. And the Clintons’ unflagging tag-team attacks have definitely worn down Barack Obama. So it is time for him to unveil his secret weapon: Michelle Obama. Accomplished, articulate and fetching, she is everything that a First Husb…ur…Lady should be. But this week in South Carolina, she is something else: Black. Not the bright-skinned, mocha latte black of her bi-racial husband. Nope. A complexion that is wonderfully and gloriously black as the ace of spades. A clear signal to wary African-Americans in the south. It says that Obama is not only young and gifted. He is black. A black man who embraces his race. A black man who doesn’t think he is above marrying a woman who is a few shades darker. A black man who is totally authentic. It’s a message that white folks may never notice. But for black voters, it’s a message that speaks volumes.
For a dead guy, Ronald Reagan sure gets around. The ghost of Reagan haunted the earliest Republican debates. Every plank of the GOP Presidential hopefuls’ stump speeches were “in the spirit of Ronald Reagan.” Or so they said. Our Reagan-loving electorate even coaxed a sad-eyed, bulldog-faced actor into the running because they were convinced this tough guy from Hollywood might be the heir apparent to the old twenty-mule-team Dutch. Now, even the Democrats are getting in on the act. For this last week, Barack Obama referenced Ronald Reagan with neither a sneer, snicker nor an eye roll. In fact, Obama’s remarks about the Gipper fell just short of full-blown praise. You see, Reagan was a change agent. Reagan was an optimist. Always electric, but never fiery. Always calm, but never weak. Reagan was not some cynical Karl Rove creation. He was the real deal. An icon of hope. A promoter of big dreams. And Obama thinks that America is once again ready for a new morning. We’ll see tonight if the folks in Nevada don’t agree.
Well, MacWorld has come and gone and all we got was a sleek, state-of-the-art aluminum laptop that fits into a manila envelope––for easier losing, I suppose. Excuse me, while I yawn. What? Nothing more earth-shattering? No iToaster to brown my bagel while I do my taxes and download the Encyclopedia Britannica on iTunes? Most disappointing. Of course, not nearly as disappointing as having another virus worm its way into your Windows-powered PC and drain your bank accounts. That is clearly worse than having to wait for Mr. Jobs to unveil the iPen––a titanium fountain pen that doubles as a telephone, radar gun, web-based babysitter and subterranean flashlight.
