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Monthly Archives: February 2008

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One of these candidates may not be constitutionally qualified to be President. It’s not the one with the foreign-sounding name and the international up-bringing. It’s the guy from Arizona who was actually born just south of Tucson in a place called the Panama Canal Zone. So, technically, he’s not a natural born citizen. Which is a bit of a rub, particularly for a guy who is a strict constructionist. Now you would think they would have passed a law that would get around this unfortunate accident of birth. And you would be right. The law declared anyone who is born of American citizens should be considered “natural born.” The only problem is that law is no longer on the books. All of which may argue that Hillary Clinton is truly the best qualified candidate to be President. US-born. And a name that doesn’t sound like an al-Qaeda suicide bomber.

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The heavens parted. The earth trembled. And the word of Dodd was proclaimed. “Vote for Obama. A pox on the house of Clinton.” So let it be written. So let it be proclaimed. Yea, verily, let the Word of Dodd go forth mightily.

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A picture is worth a thousand words. So, still don’t think this Obama dude is a stealth muslim? He’s got the hat, for crying out loud! What more proof do you want? And watch his eyes at these rallies. I am pretty sure he is blinking in Morse code. The guy is sending messages to sleeper cells. For the love of Hillary! Can’t you see what is going on?

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Enough is enough. Obama has gone too far. He has taken this “honesty” thing to its logical conclusion. He is using Hillary Clinton’s experience against her. And she is fighting mad. At a press conference today she huffed and puffed about Obama mailers that had the audacity to say her husband’s administration signed NAFTA into law. But apparently, Hillary Clinton’s co-presidency with husband Bill––this experience that makes her so darn ready ––did not include NAFTA. She’s against it. And thinks it was a bad idea. So Mr. Obama, I guess the senator from New York would like you to kindly go back to lofty “speeches.” Some of her real-world “solutions” haven’t gone all that well for America.

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The New York Times: All the news that’s fit to print. You know, like a tawdry sex scandal. So the New York Times has caught the senator from Arizona with his knickers down. Are we sure we aren’t talking about the NEW YORK POST? Well, this thorough bit of reportage says that Washington lobbyist Vicki Iseman had had an affair with McCain, a man many years her senior and, oh yeah, kinda married. And that became the news cycle. So I guess Mike Huckabee just got his miracle. And Rush Limbaugh at last has proof that McCain is a conservative.

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Yes. It is true. Obama wins Wisconsin with 55% of the vote. A number he clearly plagiarized from John McCain who was first to receive 55% of the vote in the Wisconsin’s GOP primary. “It seems,” according to an unidentified Clinton operative, “that Senator Obama can do nothing original, this week.” Senator Clinton had no comment. The Senator from New York has taken a vow of silence in her recent pledge to the American people not to inadvertently plagiarize any living or dead personages. Obama, by contrast, greeted the victory with a brief, succinct “Great!” The Clinton camp has notified the press that “Great!” was an unattributed allusion to John Kennedy’s favorite one-word expression of satisfaction. Senator Edward Kennedy has issued a press release that the Kennedy estate had only last week deeded the JFK signature remark to the Obama campaign. In another story today, comedian Bill Cosby has accused the Illinois Senator of cribbing Cosby’s proprietary Fat Albert mantra:”Hey, hey, hey” in debates earlier this year. Fat Albert could not be reached for comment.

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It was a day they longed for. When a man would be judged by the content of his character, rather than the color of his skin. A time when Dr King’s dream would ring out loud and clear. And race would no longer be seen as an insurmountable divider of people. A day when a truly courageous Commander-in-chief would steer clear of unnecessary wars. And when the jagged sword of political dirty scheming would be beaten into the ploughshare of hope and honest debate. Back then, Bill and Hillary Clinton dreamed of time when political prophets would face ballets instead of bullets. And the electorate would have the faith to dream just as big. The moral of the story? Be careful what you dream about. You might just get it.


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Well, old Fidel is hanging it up. Calling it quits. How refreshing! Someone who doesn’t want to be President. If only Mike Huckabee could chill like Castro. If only Hillary could light up a Havana cigar, kick back and let the next generation fight the good fight. 50 years of public service is quite enough. Even for a Commie. Sure, the revolution is over. The world is safe from Communism. Mr. Gorbachev has torn down that wall. The West has finally won. And all our manufacturing jobs have been outsourced to China. Go figure!

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John McCain. Straight talker. Maverick. His own man. That’s what we love about him, right? That’s what Limbaugh hates about him, right? For instance, he’s not afraid to take a bold, balanced ––albeit, unpopular–– position on illegal immigration. Again, he breaks from the pack and takes a brave, outspoken and biographically-consistent position against torture. And against his party. He stands his ground. He tells it like it is. Well… apparently, Johnny has finally drunk the GOP Kool-Aid. This week, he did a complete one-eighty on his position against torture and voted against the Senate torture bill. This, only days after his pansy-pants promise to the GOP base that he will now be revising his unpopular position on immigration. Uh, huhhh. So, that thing that we love about John McCain? Yeah. Pretty much over. Hey, more independents for Barack, right?

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This is the time in the primaries cycle when the obvious should be painfully obvious. You know, self-evident stuff like: Mike Huckabee doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell ––or heaven, for that matter–– at being the Republican nominee. Or that Ron Paul desperately needs to find a hobby. Or that Rush Limbaugh has forgotten the necessary art of eating crow. This, also, is supposed to be the point in this election season when Hillary Clinton is thanking a real comer in the Democratic party, an inspiring orator, and a good friend for a his hard-fought efforts, his dedication to the cause and his gracious endorsement. Yeah…but …obviously… that… ain’t…happening. Turns out that the good Senator is now putting all her remaining eggs in Ohio and Texas. As I listen to all the pundits explain her reversal of fortune, I hear a lot of Monday morning quarterbacking. Many criticize her for not sticking with one theme. Every Obama speech, they argue, has had the consistent theme of Change. The only thing consistent about Hillary’s spunky rally rants is that the theme will invariably change. They say she needs to pick a message and stay with it. I find this very poor Monday morning quarterbacking, indeed. The girl has a message. Although, the verbiage seems to change ever so slightly (never to its improvement) her core message has never wavered. She is the candidate with the Experience. Obama has style. She has solutions. Obama makes speeches. She takes action. It’s a very clear theme. And a very flawed one. It reminds us of something her opponent is very good at and of something that she is…well…that’s the deal: Her experience. It’s things like horribly fumbling her one shot at fixing healthcare with a Democratic White House and a Democratic majority at her disposal. She tried. She sucked at it. Or her experience of voting to allow our half-cocked cowboy President to go shoot up Baghdad like some scene out of a John Ford western. Clearly, the wrong sort of experience. Not to mention, all her experience as a corporate lawyer and a board member of Wal-Mart in Arkansas. Yup, a regular Mother Teresa. You see, its not that I don’t buy that she has the experience. It’s precisely the experience that she has which scares me. Her theme is clear. And I know, she will be ready for the job “day one.” But it’s “day two” and following that have me worried.

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There’s an old joke in Texas that if you want to make new friends, just drive across the Lone Star State with a certain bumper sticker on your car. It reads, “We’re here, we’re queer and we’ve come to take away your guns.” The only bumper sticker that would likely get your Ford Bronco just as keyed––if not torched–– is the one that reads, “I’m Barack, I’m Black and Ted Kennedy is my homey.” Nevertheless, according to one new poll, Obama is now leading Senator Clinton here in Texas by six points. Two words for that. Boy howdy! And yes, he looks friggin’ ridiculous in that hat.

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The DNC has a lot of funny rules and ideals that seem to be making it harder and harder for Senator Clinton to get her party’s nomination. You see, they have this arcane notion that when a candidate wins a state, he––or she–– doesn’t get all of the state’s delegates. Share and share alike is their motto. Democratic, like their name. They also take offense at states that willy nilly move up their primary dates. So they refused to allow candidates to campaign in such states. Refused to seat their delegates. States need to wait their turn. Or learn their lesson. (Funny thing, Senator Clinton pretty much aced those states.) Bottom line, Barack Obama would not be in the lead today if the DNC didn’t have these quirky little rules. And Senator Clinton would be. Oh, and one other little bit of DNC policy: the Superdelegate. That’s one in the picture above (Rep John Lewis). They get to throw their weight behind the candidate of their choice. (He threw his behind Hillary Clinton.) And they also get to change their minds. Which is another little rule that Senator Clinton is pretty sure she’s not going to like.

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Lately, Peggy Noonan’s WSJ column has read more like Dear Abby; full of helpful little tips on how Hillary Clinton can rescued her doomed bid for president. It is always appreciated when the opposition party reaches across the aisle to help a flagging campaign. Rush Limbaugh, of course, is busy raising funds for Hillary. And Anne Coulter is spreading the good word that Hillary is a far preferable option to Johnny “the Devil” McCain. It all does the heart good to see this outpouring of the milk of GOP kindness. But for all of Hillary’s faults––and the list is a long one––taking unsolicited advice from Republican pundits isn’t one of them. Heck, she doesn’t even take advice from her own party.

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Well, it looks like the tide has turned in this still-too-close-to-call neck-and-neck thrill-ride presidential horse race. Once again, the heavyweight title is up for grabs. Anyone who underestimates Hillary Clinton’s grit and determination, does so to their own undoing. It isn’t over until the fat lady sings …punditism …punditism…sports cliche…battle metaphor…blah, blah, blah, blah, blahhhh. Clinton wins New Mexico. One friggin’ delegate. Okay, you can all now return to your school-girl crush Obama swoonfest.