A whiter shade of black

My black friends argue that the pathologies of black America are all rooted in slavery. In other words, “White folks made us this way.” While there is a grain of truth in this, it misses a larger point; white folks are in pursuit of a far happier, tamer black America. In fact, white America wants a whole new negro. Clean-cut, articulate and virtually sexless. We think we have it in Obama. We thought we had it Tiger. Our bad. It’s the reason we love the plot of a movie like The Blind Side. Thaddeus Russell explains:

Though raised in Memphis housing projects, he uses no slang and dislikes the taste of malt liquor. Instead of Ecko and Sean John, he wears Charlie Brown-style polo shirts. His table manners are impeccable. He exhibits virtually no sexual desire. He is never angry and shuns violence except when necessary to protect the white family that adopted him or the white quarterback he was taught to think of as his brother.

Though he appears to be made of (large amounts) of flesh and blood, Michael Oher performs miracles for white people.

In other words, Michael Oher is the perfect black man.